*leans back into seat*

Well, I was asked questions so I'm here to answer them as I can.

1) I don't feel comfortable, I don't feel like I am putting up images as much as setting myself up to comparison to others and in that I can't feel like my individual voice can really be heard for what it is on it's own. I can try to look at it any other way but it's just the way it feels to me each time I upload anything at all. I still try but that feeling can't be helped at the moment.

2) I was really down and upset about life in general when I had mentioned my leaving but I still feel that it was a good decision for myself but will be on loosely for a while since my sub was paid for. I just don't think I can take it seriously like I used to, uploading everything I draw like it's an online sketchbook. *scratches head* I'm not one to be dramatic, just saying how I feel and hope that's understood.

3) Was frustrating to be pushed one way or another about the content in my work and that was a bigger reason to feeling uncomfortable over time as well. I can try to ignore what people say and all that but in the end, what is the result? What is the satisfaction in it all? I can't really find much to answer that with at the moment. When I started on here years ago it was very helpful to find myself around so many directions and reflections to learn from but now..? I've became more and more closed up and in that there was less and less reasons to relate or socialize, I think it's feeling misunderstood or overlooked.

4) I would not join another site to do this allover again, it's the system in general that I don't feel cool about. I don't want to know or see about faves and shit like that to be honest, I just want to put up work and see if I can communicate with others or not. Draw what others may not be able to express, I guess my approach is more conceptual than objective to a goal? I wouldn't really want to put up a site because..who cares really.

5) I don't blame the system entirely, I know it's my perspective that's changed also and that's why it doesn't sit well with me like it always had. I guess it's also about wanting to ignore all the things I see and just wanting to focus on myself without giving myself ammo to judge if I'm doing good or not and that's my fault for taking it that way but that's how I am. People were frustrating for me, sometimes I was really serious and the worst timing for silly comments would occur and it would just kill the image for me like I maybe I had not succeeded in expressing myself correctly or some shit, I don't know.

I think it's like a record artist wanting to concentrate on their process of making music alone and letting someone else handle numbers of sales and shit like that, things that feel on the outside of the art itself.

*kicks feet up*

I'm a social interactive type so I can't help some of the ways I felt, again I really did try for a while and still am lightly but I can't shake off the feeling of not being comfortable to how I or my work is received on this medium. I wish I could rewind time because I know I've changed a lot on here with my openness and perceptions but everything happens for a reason good or bad so we'll see or I'll see where I end up next.

Maybe it will help and then I can return feeling completely faithful in my own voice one day.
I've shared a lot of laughs, events and pieces of myself over time with many of you; thank you for the impact made on my life each day that has passed by.

If you have any more or other questions or words that you think might help after reading my train of thoughts, I'll be listening.

Sincerely,
Maki
<3